Recovering from cancer, I craved normality. Now I’m better, I’m not so sure normal is the best thingIt’s complicated. Sometimes I still want people to take my illness into account. And then there is the regret of all I’ve lost by returning to everyday lifen Thursday, I saw off my family to school and work, deliberated over what to wear, then cycled the five-ish miles to the Guardian office in the sunshine. I checked emails and chatted to colleagues about plans for the day.
I can remember one of the cancer nurses making a comment about when life got back to normal – “or probably a new normal”. Today’s normal seems very much like the old normal – and I’m not sure that’s entirely a good thing. While I was ill I went to bed early and read books, I cancelled plans if I wasn’t feeling up to going out and I appreciated days sitting in the garden. I felt lucky to be reminded of how much I liked my home and how much I got from time spent with a good novel. I wondered why I hadn’t spent more time like this before, and told myself that those early nights and easy evenings would go on – I guess I didn’t imagine feeling well enough for things to be otherwise.