Within the context of relationships, Blom describes these behavioural patterns as constantly thinking and feeling responsible for other people, their well-being and their needs, to the detriment of one’s own needs.
Being altruistic is not necessarily a problem, it speaks to empathy for others, Blom explains, but the issue is looking after the needs of others to the point that some people do not consider their own needs and therefore do damage to their own lives in the process. He adds that this might eventually result in feelings of resentment and exhaustion because one is trying to fix a situation that is not within one’s power to fix.
Says Blom: “There’s a fine line between taking care of others and co-dependency. [With regards to the latter], there’s a lack of boundaries; you compromise and exhaust yourself in the process of pleasing and taking care of others. It can almost become an addiction to taking care of others. You feel anxious or guilty when others have a problem, in a way feeling responsible for their problems; feeling compelled to help them solve their problems even if they’re not asking for it.
They may stay dependent on the relationship believing that they don’t have a choice. “It becomes about silencing yourself, and not giving yourself the right to your own needs. In healthy relationships, two partners should be able to express anything without fearing the consequences. This need to edit or diminish yourself, to not express yourself, to not have a voice, becomes toxic,” says Blom.