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Health Experts Say Coronavirus Originated In Promiscuous Bat Who Slept Around A Lot

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WASHINGTON—In a discovery that shed new light on the source of the global outbreak, top U.S. health experts told reporters Wednesday that Covid-19 originated in a promiscuous bat who slept around a lot. “We get that it’s totally normal for bats to mate and stuff, but this one, well, let’s just say it got around,” said epidemiologist Catherine Fisher, noting the bat in question didn’t even use protection, and that coronavirus was probably the least of the flying floozy’s problems considering the shit swirling around it all the time. “This bat was kind of a tramp, if we’re being honest. It didn’t care if you were a horseshoe, mouse-tailed, or Kitti’s hog-nosed bat; it was open for business. This bat would pretty much hook up with any mammal with wings. And we’re not trying to slut-shame, I swear. We just think the public deserves to know the facts.” At press time, the nation’s top epidemiologist had issued an apology to the bat after discovering the outbreak actually originated from a rather loose pangolin.

 

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We need to ban all bats 🦇 right now! Even the ones who don’t whore around! Send them back!

Fergie from PBLACKK EYE EYEd PEEs

No apology in that headline for the “ rather loose “ pangolin ?

When reality and satire become combined! We have “The Shit Show!”

Because the older generation didn't really believe in protection.

This is ridiculous😂

We Already knew long fkn times ago that Batman was a super hardcore whore on tour dippin in all them holeswhile in hell chillin with his homies hoes n homo husBands superpansexstageactinwannabesexualspooplickers

Bat-shaming in 2020? Smh my head

These must be tough times for satire, sorry Onion!

the onion is batting one thousand lately

every day we edge closer to the onion becoming reality

I knew it!!!!

there's ALWAYS a 'moral failing'... ALWAYS!!!

Many people are saying that. I've received many calls asking me, sir, what do you think of bats. I tell them I prefer Louieville Slugger

Slut shaming is the patriarchy’s weapon against bats 🦇

Must be nice publishing these batshit crazy articles.

Yea. Donald “The Bat”

slutbat

Onion getting stinky

Flying floozy. Harsh.

Mmmm hmmm. I heard it from Denise who heard it from Tricia. So trifling. lol

SluttyBat

Everybody always wants to blame the bat. But did anyone say no to the bat? I didn't think so.

😁

2

save it for marriage, bat

That is batshit crazy. Coincidentally I used to work at a lab doing studies on Mers and Sars coronavirus additional gain of function studies. But since the accident, the funding has dropped off...

Can't believe this is real. :P

and the was cut up and sold in a chinese market for meat

LOL!!!

Omg too funny!🤣

Weird 'Health Experts'

The Bat was strong supporter of AuratAzadiMarch. RIP

TIL my ex can start a pandemic if he becomes a vampire and develops a thing for bats.

Like a BatOutOfHell I'll be gone when the morning comes But when the day is done And the sun goes down And the moonlight's shining through Then like a sinner before the gates of Heaven I'll come crawling on back to you Meatloaf

Batman started the coronavirus. You heard it here first.

LOL!!!!

So you're saying someone fucked a bat and now the world is on lockdown? Guess it's a pretty obvious moral to this story.

To be fair, if you've never seen bat porn....

The Woodie Bat.

Batslut.

Gaetan Dubat

Slut

RELATED: CDC Alerts Just Thinking About Coronavirus Will Give You Coronavirus 'Whatever you do don't think about Corona-GAHHHHHH YOU JUST THOUGHT ABOUT IT DIDN'T YOU?'

GabyHerstik

That bitch.

So, a penis with wings?

Like for Corona virus, Retweet for Corona Virus

Bruce Wayne, Megaslut

Legit

Sadly, not even close to as outlandish as what the actual “news” is. You’re gonna have to just report the straight news now.

Health Experts Disappointed Bat Doesn't Keep In Touch During Surely Very Boring Quarantine

Bat shaming

Exactly like we've all been saying for two months now: 'fucking bat'

damn even the bats are getting it

Live is blind with a trampire

Does that mean the Coronavirus is like bat AIDS?

Batman is a pos

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