Healthcare Press

‘DSM-5’ Updated To Accommodate Man Who Is Legitimately Being Ordered To Kill By The Moon

  • 📰 TheOnion
  • ⏱ Reading Time:
  • 14 sec. here
  • 2 min. at publisher
  • 📊 Quality Score:
  • News: 9%
  • Publisher: 51%

Health Health Headlines News

Health Health Latest News,Health Health Headlines

ARLINGTON, VA—Saying they were committed to ensuring the influential reference text accurately represented all known psychological conditions, leading members of the American Psychiatric Association announced Monday they would update the Diagnostic And Statistical Manual Of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition to accommodate a man who is legitimately being ordered by the moon to kill those around him. “After conducting extensive psychological examinations of the individual in question, our board has determined that the patient shows no sign of delusion or hallucination and is in fact receiving regular instruction from Earth’s moon to commit murder, and our classification manual must be revised to reflect these findings,” said APA medical director Saul M. Levin, clarifying that the man’s affliction would not be subcategorized as a schizophrenic or psychotic disorder, as the voice he hears urging him to bludgeon others to death in fits of manic violence emanates from the moon itself and not from within his own mind. “Based on our study of this patient, we will add the new entry ‘Lunar-Motivated Homicidal Impulse Syndrome’ to the DSM, which is characterized by regular communication with the moon, persistent homicidal urges, and violent behavior stemming from one’s efforts to appease the moon.” Levin added that because the man’s mental state did not derive from any abnormal neurochemistry, standard psychiatric medications would likely have little effect on his condition, and thus his only course of treatment would be to cut out the small device that was implanted in his brain for receiving the transmissions.

ARLINGTON, VA—Saying they were committed to ensuring the influential reference text accurately represented all known psychological conditions, leading members of the American Psychiatric Association announced Monday they would update theto accommodate a man who is legitimately being ordered by the moon to kill those around him.

Levin, clarifying that the man’s affliction would not be subcategorized as a schizophrenic or psychotic disorder, as the voice he hears urging him to bludgeon others to death in fits of manic violence emanates from the moon itself and not from within his own mind.

 

Thank you for your comment. Your comment will be published after being reviewed.
Please try again later.

Skip to chapter AmericanWerewolf

ah the moon knight strikes

Space Force, right?

Gonna steal Gav O’s joke. Lunacy

Local 58

So that’s what happened to me that night at the barn... All I remember is the scent of her hair and so much red...

Udder lunacy 🐄🚀🌚

Anyone specific?

SamuelAcuff

Your talking about grandpa Trump right?

Which chapter describes the delusional sickness, of believing that one can legitimately win a lottery game, with odds of 1 / 302,575,350 AND have a name like 'John Jones' AND live where virtually no one lives, miles from 0, AND claim it's the first ticket the person ever bought?

There’s a chapter in there too with Trumps picture.

Lurd.

Not a psychiatric syndrome; no pathology here. The guy is simply being controlled by a malign supernal force.

This is what their mental meddling has come to.

It was technically the mask

We are living under a killing moon.

Lunacy

The way things are nowadays, I wouldn't be surprised if they really did that.

Henry Bowers, right?

Or killed by it.

Also, Trumpism replaces Narcissism.

Thank you for this laugh, amidst this mess.

Yo guys so not the right moment

I really do not get the joke you're trying to make here.

dreyfoospsych

We have summarized this news so that you can read it quickly. If you are interested in the news, you can read the full text here. Read more:

 /  🏆 724. in HEALTH

Health Health Latest News, Health Health Headlines