Roommate Protective Services Rescues Helpless 22-Year-Old From Squalid Apartment

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BROOKLYN, NY—Calling the man’s living conditions “utterly deplorable,” officials from Roommate Protective Services confirmed today that they removed local Kevin Spyra this morning from a two-bedroom apartment filled with overflowing garbage bins, piles of unwashed dishes, and a refrigerator full of rotting food. “The squalid state of the apartment was extremely hazardous to the health and well-being of Kevin, and we had to get him out of there,” local RPS officer Jim McCarthy said of the at-risk 22-year-old, adding that Spyra’s negligent roommate Ben Stern, 23, had created an unsafe environment in which Kevin was constantly exposed to piles of foul-smelling dirty clothes, the stench of unwashed bath towels, Incubus blaring at 3 a.m., and scattered mugs with used tea bags crusted onto them. “We got a tip from a neighbor who said that she overheard Ben shouting at Kevin after Kevin politely asked when Ben would pay his share of the cable bill. It’s tragic when you find a helpless 22-year-old roommate living like this.” McCarthy went on to say that Spyra has been taken into protective custody, and that the most important thing now is to find him a healthy shared living situation with a roommate who isn’t a complete dick.

 

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Edward Snowden helps a guy in a red blanket

We've been there.

Looks like too much tmz watching syndrome.

He’s got that “macaroni and cheese” look in his eyes. Not the good kind either, generic.

Been there.

If only they had got to him in time.

I have to say that looks like the weirdest Ventriloquists act I have ever seen.

Fancy word there

Klay Thompson is always so helpful.

T-tissues... everywhere...

I was arrested when i was 23 for possession of methamphetamine

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