Seven years gone feels like both a blink and forever... but is neither. It is this strange middle ground where the grief isn’t new, and it also isn’t long, so it sort of settles in, just beneath the surface.
But it happened. She is on my mind as much as always, even if I don’t speak it out loud. The impact she made on all who knew her remains and is even more treasured. The heartache hasn’t diminished at all, but it is true that I have learned to live with this complicated loss and carry it with me as I carry on. I know there are so many of us existing in this middle place of missing, all while keeping up on the laundry — living our lives well in a way that may even appear like we’ve moved on.
I am certain there is no number of years that will pass when I will not want her here with me, when my life is just as good without her as it would be with her here. We had grand plans of what growing old together would look like and I’ll forever be sad about what won’t be. But I’ve also proven, despite grief and sometimes even my best efforts, that I can live without the person I never thought I could or wanted to live without. That itself is its own painful realization.
I am sure this grief will eventually shape shift again as time goes on in ways I don’t yet understand, but its core remains. Jenny is gone. And life is good, grief and all.Michele Lago is a tenured sports marketing and operations professional. Inspired by her sister, who was an accomplished writer, she is now an author and speaker on the subjects of grief, sibling loss, organ donation and maternal health.
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