, I’ve spent most of my life hiding integral parts of myself from the world, namely, my intense and unpredictable mood swings. I’ve considered them a shameful, almost sinful secret that would certainly result in social and professional ostracism if anyone ever found out the truth. So I’ve done my damnedest to keep them out of sight from others. As a result, I've lived in a state of secrecy for as far back as I can remember.It took a monumental effort to hide my true self.
Nobody knew. I was voted most likely to succeed when I should have been voted most likely to achieve an untimely death. Much as I didn’t want to become a lawyer, it turned out to be a savvy decision in terms of hiding—there’s a formality to the profession that suited me just fine. It meant I didn’t have to get too close to the people I worked with; I could maintain a remote demeanor, which was often praised in performance reviews. People called me poised when, in fact, I was simply too afraid to be seen in all my messy truth.
Relationships have been the biggest test of my ability to hide. Sometimes, it meant literally disappearing from sight—not answering messages for weeks at a time, ignoring persistent knocks at the door, pretending to be sick, or just not giving any excuse at all. Not surprisingly, many people were confounded by my here-and-gone behavior and chose not to engage with me further. But for some reason that still mystifies me, a precious few stuck it out despite their bewilderment.
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Source: PsychToday - 🏆 714. / 51 Read more »
Source: PsychToday - 🏆 714. / 51 Read more »