e see a man giving a speech at his mother’s wake. It starts off as you might expect. But he goes on to tell us how his mother died multiple times in the eyes of those who loved her. When she became convinced her friends were stealing from her. When she asked him, her son, what his name was. When she looked straight through his dad. Then he says she died a final time surrounded by the people who loved her.. Anna had dementia.
Since my initial viewing, I’ve changed my mind about it many times, after speaking to the chief executive of the Alzheimer’s Society about what they were trying to achieve; after reading through the reactions of people with early-stage dementia, and after talking to a psychiatrist who specialises in mental health in older age. Where I’ve come down is that I think the advert went too far, but that one of the many issues with the public discourse about dementia is that it can be overly sanitised.
That’s reflected in public attitudes: Alzheimer’s Society research reveals that only one in 10 people know that dementia is the leading cause of death in the UK; 78% of us don’t know that one in three people born today will get dementia and only a third think urgent action is required on dementia. But also in our politics: justfor every pound spent on cancer research and politicians have failed to confront the implications for social care and mental health services.
It’s fanciful to pretend these objectives don’t sometimes conflict. There has been a strong emphasis on “living well” with dementia; that’s vital in terms of emphasising the dignity of people with dementia and their capacity for love and fulfilment that doesn’t switch off with a diagnosis. But the idea of “living well” might feel at odds – alienating, even – to someone whose partner has late-stage dementia requiring round-the-clock care, or who has become abusive.