This BodyFriend Massage Chair Strapped Me In, Then Ate My Limbs

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The Phantom Medicalcare massage chair claims it acts as a 'medical device' for neck and back pain. After several minutes in it, my back is still a mess.

I was initially nervous because, getting in, I found my feet were swallowed by the bottom of the machine. My arms were given a little more latitude as they were fitted into compressing arm rests. When the machine started working, I found my feet were being compressed, then consumed. First the machine took my left arm. Then it took my right.

The balls on the massage machine then started their dance, arching and rubbing somewhat awkward parts of my body, like the line of my incredibly boney butt. The rollers attacked the balls of my callused feet and even the ends of my toes. The soft music playing from the machines speakers couldn’t drown out the laughs of my colleague as I went bug-eyed from being repeatedly lifted and dropped on the swell of the chair’s whims.Then they asked if I wanted the neck portion of the machine installed.

I wasn’t in it for long—probably less than 15 minutes. But when the company finally pried me from the massage machine’s jaws, I stood up and felt… exactly the same as when I went in. With all of BodyFriend’s sophisticated bells and whistles, I still feel incredibly underwhelmed by machine-based massages.

 

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