“Everyone supported me in their own way,” Thomas said, “but unless you’re trained, unless you’re in the field, no one knows what to say when you tell them how unhappy you are.”
Shortly after he returned to school, Thomas told his parents that he knew what he needed to work on, that he was going to get better.Up late writing a paper for class, Thomas paused to consider what he would feel like in the morning.“I was ready to surrender,” he said.In his letter to his father, who also had long battled depression, Thomas explained that this was the best move for him, to relieve himself of the pain. He didn’t want his father to dwell on it. This wasn’t anyone’s fault.
Suicides involving athletes from Southern California have become a disturbingly common narrative. Katie Meyer, a Stanford goalkeeper who starred in high school at Newbury Park, took her life in March. A month later, Wisconsin runner Sarah Shulze, who grew up in Oak Park, killed herself, her family saying the stresses of athletics, academics and everyday life had “overwhelmed her in a single, desperate moment.
Thomas remained in the hospital’s psychiatric ward for 10 days before starting a months-long transition toward independent living. Along the way, he relapsed while contemplating another suicide attempt, necessitating a trip back to the hospital. Family therapy has led to healing, as well as heartbreaking revelations about the anguish Thomas endured.
“I feel like I failed as a leader, didn’t really reach out to him,” offensive lineman Jon Gaines II said. “This needs to be a learning experience for all of us in how we’re going to approach our mental health and how we’re going to really open up and talk to each other.”