STANFORD, CA—Offering sympathy and verifying widespread reports about the former secretary of state’s health, sources confirmed Thursday that Condoleezza Rice, 67, will die one day.
“It is with great sadness and a heavy heart that I share with you the news that Secretary Rice, who dutifully served her country throughout a distinguished career in public service, is eventually going to pass away,” said a source close to Rice’s family, who requested that details concerning the death of the first African American woman to lead the State Department not be released to the public, as they were not yet known.
Of she dies tomorrow, you can expect a little visit from the FBI
This is pretty disgusting. One can disagree with her politics and her work in government without resorting to death talk, even in a satirical format. Delete this post and do better. This is awful.
What a terrible parody.
Keith Richards on the other hand
When News is slow, the best News makes up the stories we all care about.
Condoleezza Rice is nice, but I prefer A-Roni
But Kissinger won't because that mofo is Cain.
Will be nice to see a professional do her make-up.
What
and y’all got my hopes up, the audacity
If your alive at the end of time, do you live forever?
But apparently Henry Kissinger, age 98 (or so they say), won't
😅💀
Hope she recovers🙏
Onion dropping existential truths
Will likely be the last of the Iraq war criminals to bite it tho.
rip
Who else was on the list for this? Super curious how you all came to the conclusion that Condi was the funniest person for this. We need a Behind the Curtain video/article
The Onion: The Kings and Queens of Trolling
Not funny