The grief 'comes in bits and pieces when I least expect'

I think my mother was a bit in denial. I don’t think she really understood the gravity of it when it was told to her. And then she quickly sort of lost her mental capacity; I think she wasn’t taking in enough nutrients. She articulated to my brother before I came to visit that she was scared to die, but otherwise, when she had those moments of lucidity while I was there, it was just more just sort of laughing and interacting.

The hosptial had a music therapist with a guitar — she was masked. It was lovely. My mother loved ’70s music; Olivia Newton-John, The Carpenters, Peter, Paul and Mary. The musical therapist was able to play parts of those songs for my mom, who at this point wasn’t really coherent. She was sleeping mostly. But we were told hearing is among the last senses to go — music in itself is so therapeutic on so many levels.

I feel so lucky that the timing of everything [the lifting of COVID visiting rules] allowed us that chance to grieve and connect as a family in the weeks before she passed.

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