‘Remember, You Are Mortal,’ Advisor Says To Garland-Covered Water Reclamation Supervisor During Swearing-In Ceremony

  • 📰 TheOnion
  • ⏱ Reading Time:
  • 1 sec. here
  • 2 min. at publisher
  • 📊 Quality Score:
  • News: 4%
  • Publisher: 51%

Health Health Headlines News

Health Health Latest News,Health Health Headlines

ZANESVILLE, OH—Cautioning his superior lest he become intoxicated by power, advisor Greg Dawling reportedly urged newly appointed water reclamation supervisor Lee Frost to remember that he was mortal during the official’s elaborate swearing-in ceremony Friday. “Be not vain or foolish in your position—this earthly world is still but a passing thing,” Dawling reportedly whispered into Frost’s ear as trumpets sounded and a legion of treatment plant operators saluted behind them. “At long last, the forces of irrigation and aquifer recharge will be yours alone to command. But still, the subtle ways are best—hold your power close, and choose when and where to wield it for maximum effect. Remember, all that now stands between you and triumph is your own hubris.” At press time, a grimacing Dawling had withdrawn into the shadows as Frost vowed that the groundwater of Zanesville would run red with the blood of his enemies.

 

Thank you for your comment. Your comment will be published after being reviewed.
Please try again later.

Jesus: 'throw them into the fiery furnace. In that place there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.' “Then he will say to those on his left, ‘Depart from me, you cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels.'' Repent, sinner. God loves you.

Bloody nomenclatura. I know!

Hail!

What's dead will never die.

Memento Mori Bob, also can pool to chili's after this if you're interested

cc CSMFHT

Normalize close whispers by golden-locked pale boys upon employment

I would have taken 'manager of Little Caesar's' as well

SanDistricts

what's a SW ear?

Paging CSMFHT

Shouldn't they have just hosed him down, rather than using a laurel leaf?

'At press time, a grimacing Dawling had withdrawn into the shadows as Frost vowed that the groundwater of Zanesville would run red with the blood of his enemies.' Tiberius is alive and well in Zanesville

We don’t want a repeat of the Caesar fiasco!

Ugh I am so sick of these political posts, Onion!

Just imagine the horror if a megalomaniacal sociopath like this guy were to become President of the United States of America.

Is it bad I thought it said “Garfield”?

'Memento Mori Sola Diez'

This one’s for all those Western Classics majors out there

Ah, ancient roman memes. Delicious.

We have summarized this news so that you can read it quickly. If you are interested in the news, you can read the full text here. Read more:

 /  🏆 724. in HEALTH

Health Health Latest News, Health Health Headlines