and special-needs discussions. This was the late ‘70s and early ‘80s: the infancy of educators understanding special needs. Jeff’s 5th grade teacher told us “” We fought for every accommodation that helped increase the window of opportunity to learn. There was still shaming and putting Jeff up as example of “not trying hard enough.” His self-esteem suffered and he began to gravitate toward other kids who also struggled and/or didn’t care much about school.
A well-known trait of many kids with ADHD is that of obstinance. Each day felt like a battle of wits and stamina, as he exhibited defiance to the maximum. Lying in bed at night, I regularly asked myself if I could possibly fight again tomorrow all of the battles I had faced today! He persisted on important things as well as seemingly unimportant things.
Jeff had several careers in his lifetime: car sales, commercial real estate, insurance, and buyer for a car dealer. He studied and secured any needed licenses. His work ethic was amazing, as evidenced by the fact that nearly all of his previous bosses attended his funeral and shared with us glowing memories.
The obstinate and defiant little boy had become an exceptionally brave man. I went from wanting to wipe out what I perceived as negative traits… to telling him often that he had become my hero! I feel fortunate to have been given the time to express that to him.