Blm protests are perfectly fine though
This doesn’t have the same ring to it anymore lol
moontiger5735 Send them to Nebraska. It's been decreed a hell mouth and that is where we are sending them. Sorry Nebraskans.
Pretty much begging the “I thought the Onion was satire” crowd to post with this one
In other news: Per U.S.D.A., Cattle slaughter dropped 37% this week from a year ago. Hog slaughter down 35%. This week, 425,000 cattle were slaughtered, down 8.6% from last week. 1.5 million hogs slaughtered, down 22% from last week. Slaughter rates expected to stay low.
Get sick, get taken to hospital, protest their fake treatment, kick fake ventilator, fake die.
no longer satire
Wow. Haven't seen your stuff in a while, . Not as funny or clever as I remembered.
Has The Onion become real? What's going on
It’s ok, you can just say Michigan
Now you know damn well you are telling the future again!
Fear is the real virus, as is the actual virus
My neighborhood just saw a sharp uptick today in the number of new cases. The protests in Olympia were about a week ago. So nervous. We were doing so well
EXACTLY.
Why are you not posting fake stuff anymore?
Damn right, the American will not put up with this shit of their government telling them what to do, even if it saves their lives, or humanity.
Foreshadowing.
You sure you aren't pulling this from Our Dumb Century?
I thought the Left wants us to be more like Sweden?
I thought this was satire?
According to Trump, you deserved it :
Small minds ran out of things to entertain themselves with weeks ago and now are stir crazy.
I get it, but headline not written well. Reads as if protestors noticed spike and locked down.
🤣
“iTs A ViOlAtiOn Of My RiGhTs!”
True story
If you’re writing this you obviously still have a job.
Wait, is this actual news this time?
Likely gonna be true.
Time to open up.. Life must continue.
I don't know whats going on in the world anymore.
We’d hate to be in Sweden’s position right now. What a bunch of dip s**ts.
I know you get this a lot, but this isn't even satire anymore.
We plant our tomato plants in May and then hide from the plague in our homes until August, then we get some sweet homemade salsa.
I love how much the girl on the far right looks like she dosent want to be there.
That's more of a projection than a parody.
Why can’t our dummies be quiet dummies?
This isn’t even satire anymore
Love my city.
This was in the last post, but
cyborgk9 We should stop talking about this people so much.
I kept reading this as *the protesters* noticing the spike. It took me a dozen re-readings to figure out WTH was going on. Maybe adding a couple 'then's would help comprehension...or not.
The onion is 75% satire, 30% prediction.
Reasonable appeal
Was there a staff change at The Onion? It has gone from profound and hilarious to being profoundly unfunny for the last week.
I don’t follow The Onion for real news
Same mortality as seasonal flu.
the worst part is the this might actually happen
It's just a form of natural selection we don't need these people on the planet anyway they're douchebags